In my experience, a vacuum leak is going to make the idle race, or at least be *stable*.
When i've setup really custom vehicles, I'll set the throttle so that hot, in gear, IAC is about 30-50. Yours seems in that range, despite what manual etc say.
Go *create* a vacuum leak - i bet your conditions change 100% - meaning what you have isn't due to a vacuum leak. That's just what I'm betting on. You may have one, but I don't think the current problems stem from that.
Anyone local with a Syty or TPI car? borrow their IAC... it's worth a shot, not too much work. They can get stuck, dirty, and so forth.
To test the 02 sensor, go unplug yours when it's warming up. It will stay in open loop mode, prolly set a code etc, but at least if it IS the cause, your symptoms will go away.
Also, since you have changed all the components, it's all the more likely that something ignition related IS causing the problem. You have a problem? what has changed, or what have you changed?
My ignition woes in the past showed up like this:
distributor/cap/rotor issues - just crappy everywhere
wire problems - show up under load, when there is higher cylinder pressure
plug/gap problems - show up most under load, or when leaner